Class 5/4 Revision: Vibrant Sentences

Due

Revised Draft of the Solution Argument Essay

Vibrant Sentences

Pick either the introduction or the conclusion to revise. Work on adding vibrant language to the paragraph. Experiment with rhetorical devices like:

  • Parallelism – refers to using elements in sentences that are grammatically similar or identical in structure, sound, meaning, or meter. This technique adds symmetry, effectiveness and balance to the written piece. Read more at yourdictionary.com
  • Repetition – is when words or phrases are repeated. Used to create rhythm and bring attention to an idea. Examples
  • Rhetorical Questions – a question asked in order to create a dramatic effect or to make a point rather than to get an answer. Read more
  • Analogy – a comparison between two things, typically for the purpose of explanation or clarification.
  • Metaphor –  is a figure of speech which makes an implicit, implied or hidden comparison between two things that are unrelated but share some common characteristics.

Analogies:

Annoying as nails on a chalkboard.

or

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Metaphors:

Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?

0r

The beautiful sunset.

The sun doesn’t actually set, we rotate away from it on our globe and it only appears that way. 

Revise

After you have revised your own intro or conclusion get together with a partner or two and read your paragraph to them. Reading out loud helps with speaking in vibrant sentences. 

If you do not have any rhetorical devices or are having trouble, read the paragraph to your partners and they can help you with suggestions. 

Think of different ways to deliver this paragraph to your audience. What would make it more effective? What will make them agree with you? What will get their attention?

Don’t be boring! Get creative and be considerate of others. Take turns reading out loud and help each other by sharing ideas. 

Write

What changes are you making to your essay? What are you doing to make it more vibrant?

Homework

  1. Revise your paper and publish it on the class blog by class time on Tuesday. 
  2. Prepare a three minute presentation of your essay. This will be laid back but ready to share your problem, solution, and interesting findings. Make sure your essay has at least one image so we can see it as you tell us about your project. 
35 Comments
  1. jaime rodriguez 1 year ago

    im definitely changing up my intro, mine is way to stale and boring. I need to make it intrigue readers so im going to be adding a rhetorical question to engage the reader

  2. Cristian 1 year ago

    i will be adding a question to my intro to grasp the readers attention. i did not have to to begin with and i thought it was fine but adding one will help

  3. Jaclyn Smith 1 year ago

    Things I need to add is more details on my side of the argument, and fix up my conclusion. Another thing to add in is more metaphors.

  4. Brooke Van Noy 1 year ago

    I am changing my introduction with adding metaphors and creating an image for the audience to read. I will be adding more quotes and statistics about my argument.

  5. alma cendejas 1 year ago

    for my introduction i need to add a metaphor and maybe add a sentence or two so i get my point across, and i still need to finish my conclusion.

  6. Michelle Nelson 1 year ago

    The things I’m going to change is some of the order of the paragraphs so that you can look at it in a different way. Also add more story line about how this relates to my life in a lot of ways.

  7. Claudia Raymond 1 year ago

    I’m going to work on my conclusion more because I have not answered the “so what” question.

  8. Ethan Vermeersch 1 year ago

    I am going to add more detail and quotes to my body paragraphs. I am also going to fix my conclusion paragraph by adding final thoughts instead of just having a repeat of the main ideas in my body paragraphs.

  9. I will be using some of the statistics that I have found to show the importance of my topic and catch the readers attention so they will want to keep reading.

  10. Olie Johnson 1 year ago

    i am working on adding more details to my introduction and conclusion. I need to add some analogies

  11. Alex L. 1 year ago

    Add a story to the intro to add more vibrant meaning to it

  12. D.ellis 1 year ago

    In my conclusion I need to work on fixing my grammar and wording my sentences in a way that makes sense to everyone.

  13. Javier Hinojos 1 year ago

    I’m most likely going to add repetition to my introduction. Also, I need to add more counterarguments to my paper.

  14. Varsenik 1 year ago

    I might need to add questions to my intro to grape the readers attention. I also need some metaphor and analogy to add in my essay.

  15. emily saiza 1 year ago

    adding my augment and conclusion also putting more quotes

  16. Alexander_Vaca 1 year ago

    I am going to try to add to make my essay more vibrant is to add in Parallelism and I will try to use a lot more rhetorical questions.

  17. Kymberlie Starkey 1 year ago

    I am changing my intro and adding some questions to it in hopes of getting the readers attention

  18. PJH 1 year ago

    I am making corrections suggested by a tutor for starters and I will be working on incorporating a metaphor into my essay as well.

  19. Natalie 1 year ago

    i need to properly cite in my work. switch some paragraphs around to flow more smoothly. and finish my work cited page. also need to clean up my grammar and punctuation. i added vibrancy into my essay by asking rhetorical questions, similes, personal experience and metaphors.

  20. andrew 1 year ago

    I’m going to change my intro and create a better way of beginning my essay and grabbing my audiences attention by stating the problems and solutions more clearly and choosing better words to present my arguments about meat

  21. Mayra 1 year ago

    I need to work on my conclusion. I always seem to have trouble with my conclusions and end up rewording my into so i’m going to try not to do that for this essay. Instead i’ll really think my conclusion since it’s the last thing the reader reads.

  22. Steven Russell 1 year ago

    to this current essay that we are writing i am going to add more, credible facts, do more research incorporate ample evidence of my argument. i will also provide interview ad statement from officers that that have been on the other side of the law in situations defending the law.

  23. Nickolas Ayala 1 year ago

    The changes im going to make for my essay are to have more solutions to the problem I am stating, I only have a few but after doing more research Im going to add more. I will also try to scare my reader about the bad things that could happen to you if you become obese to grab there attention.

  24. Karen B 1 year ago

    i am going to try to add some metaphors, similes and more information to why this topic is worth reading. also add a hook so it can grab the readers attention.

  25. Melody Estay 1 year ago

    I am going to perfect my introduction and focus on fewer main points because my essay is a little scattered and doesnt flow too well right now.

  26. Matt Dowser 1 year ago

    to make my essay more vibrant after i finish my rough draft i am going to go through the essay and meticulously swap lame adjectives and verbs for more descriptive and unique ones

  27. Belen Acosta 1 year ago

    I am adding a rhetorical question in my intro and adding more detail in my solutions.

  28. Gabriel De Leon 1 year ago

    I am going to talk about the solution more because I am neglecting it and using more quotes.

  29. Jamie Snyder 1 year ago

    I changed my intro so it is more personal and i also have to do more research on the solution to the problem instead on focusing on the problem so much.

  30. jchiquito 1 year ago

    I’m going to add more descriptions and metaphors to my conclusion and solution. I will also add more descriptive words explain how I felt when I was robbed.

  31. Mariah Minera 1 year ago

    i am going to change the dull words i used and change them to more intellectual words. i am also going to add videos and pictures to my paper.

  32. Econatzer 1 year ago

    The changes I’m making for my essay is to add more solutions to my problem. I want to think of a different title I feel like it is not good enough. I would also like to add in my uncle’s story to help with the hook for my story.

  33. a.robles 1 year ago

    What changes are you making to your essay? What are you doing to make it more vibrant?
    -On my essay I’m going to change my wording and take out the I’s and use more description. I”m also going to add more photos to make it vibrant and make my story more visual with the photos. I also want to add my cites in the right places and try not to add the cites just randomly. Metaphors are also things I want to incorporate.

  34. phoebe 1 year ago

    what I’m goin to do with my essay is completely change my introduction paragraph and introduce my existing paragraph in another paragraph maybe the second or the third.

  35. Acruz3 1 year ago

    The changes I’m going to make are adding in more information not just personal but educational as well and to make my essay more vibrant I’m going to try to share as many stories as possible about my topic in my essay

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