Class Solution Revision

MLA In-Text

MLA Style Manual Handbook

MLA: In-Text Citations (8th edition, 2016) Video

How would you cite this page in-text in MLA?

How would you cite it if their was no visible author? If it had two authors? If it had three authors?

MLA Works Cited

Video MLA Style: Lost of Works Cited (8th Edition, 2016)

MLA Style 8th edition quick guide

Cite this web page as a works cited entry. 

Peer Editing

Check their citations. Do they look correct? Are they missing any citations?

Peer edit the same way you revise your own work. Pay attention to global issues first. Don’t worry about grammar or sentence structure yet. Focus on improving and clarifying the ideas. 

Be specific in identifying problems or opportunities. Explain what the problem you see if. Avoid vague language like “awkward.” Explain what it is that is awkward and give suggestions for how to improve. 

Offer suggestions for improvement. If they are not mentioning a major counterargument, suggest it for them to address. If a point is unclear, explain how they can clarify it. 

Praise what is genuinely good in the paper. No false praise. If you like a particular point or passage, let them know. 

Use proofreading symbols, if you know them. Otherwise, mark up the paper directly so that they will have a reference from which to revise their work. 

Keep comments tactful. Treat other’s work as you would like to have your efforts treated. Stay on topic and don’t be mean or harsh, that is not productive. 

Vibrant Sentences

Pick either the introduction or the conclusion to revise. Work on adding vibrant language to the paragraph. Experiment with rhetorical deviceslike:

  • Parallelism – refers to using elements in sentences that are grammatically similar or identical in structure, sound, meaning, or meter. This technique adds symmetry, effectiveness and balance to the written piece. Read more at yourdictionary.com
  • Repetition – is when words or phrases are repeated. Used to create rhythm and bring attention to an idea. Examples
  • Rhetorical Questions – a question asked in order to create a dramatic effect or to make a point rather than to get an answer. Read more
  • Analogy – a comparison between two things, typically for the purpose of explanation or clarification.
  • Metaphor –  is a figure of speech which makes an implicit, implied or hidden comparison between two things that are unrelated but share some common characteristics.

Analogies:

Annoying as nails on a chalkboard.

or

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Metaphors:

Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?

0r

The beautiful sunset.

The sun doesn’t actually set, we rotate away from it on our globe and it only appears that way. 

Revise

After you have revised your own intro or conclusion get together with a partner or two and read your paragraph to them. Reading out loud helps with speaking in vibrant sentences. 

If you do not have any rhetorical devices or are having trouble, read the paragraph to your partners and they can help you with suggestions. 

Think of different ways to deliver this paragraph to your audience. What would make it more effective? What will make them agree with you? What will get their attention?

Don’t be boring! Get creative and be considerate of others. Take turns reading out loud and help each other by sharing ideas. 

Using Rhetoric

Ethos

  • Research
  • Unbiased

Pathos

  • Emotional
  • Storytelling
  • So What?

Logos

  • Logical
  • History
  • Facts
  • Statistics
  • Evidence
  • Authority/Pros
  • Background
  • Include the Conversation

Audience

Audience is the most important thing to consider when making an argument. To argue effectively you need to have a very clear idea of who the audience is.

Who is your audience?

What do they value?

Are your reasons in line with those values?

“I Have a Dream” Speech

Martin Luther King Jr. gave one of the best speeches in history. How does he develop his ethos? How does he use appeals to emotion and logic to get us to see his perspective. How does he persuade us to see the truth he knows? 

Write down some examples of ethos, logos, and pathos from the speech. 

Quick Write

What changes are you going to make to revise your solution?

21 Comments
  1. Alex L. 11 months ago

    I’m changing my introduction and some of my resources as well as my thesis.

  2. Aubrie Rudder 11 months ago

    My audience is anyone who isn’t aware about the situation.
    My audience values the safety and well being of LGBT.
    My reasons are in line with those values.
    Changes to make to revise my solution: state why clinics shouldn’t be banned but they should be under surveillance and staying at the clinics should be optional. abuse and trauma should be removed from clinics to make it more ethical.

  3. Lynn Son 11 months ago

    Audience:
    My audience are parents who don’t want to vaccinate their children.
    They value the safety and health of their children.
    My reasons are in line with those values because I describes the safety and protection that vaccines can provide for their children’s health.
    Quick Write:
    The changes that I am going to make to revise my solution are to elaborate more on the history of outbreaks that occurred in the past that don’t appear anymore in today’s time and how we can help decrease the amount of children that are not vaccinated. I am also going to add pathos and a picture to my solution argument.

  4. Brandon Carr 11 months ago

    – ARGUE MORE OF THE SOLUTION, AND LESS OF THE PROBLEM!
    – YOU NEED MORE PATHOS; ADD SOME EMOTION!
    – STRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF TRAINING.
    – ARGUE WHY PREVIOUS SOLUTIONS ARE INCORRECT

  5. Brandon Obando 11 months ago

    I’m going to finish typing my sources and i might take out something out to make it shorter or longer those short of things.

  6. Christopher williams 11 months ago

    i want revise my essay and change some of the keys points. i want to use more ethos in it, and get my conclusion down better.

  7. Brandon Carr 11 months ago

    – Who is your audience?
    o My audience are voting aged individuals in California.
    – What do they value?
    o They value the lives of their loved ones.
    – Are your reasons in line with those values?
    o Yes

  8. Joey Rueff 11 months ago

    Who is your audience?
    -My audience is the legislators that are focused on vehicle code.
    What do they value?
    -Public safety and the well-being of everyone who is on the road. Statistics and how many lives we can efficiently save.
    What changes are you going to make to revise your solution?
    -I will revise my essay to include the values that my audience appeals to and add more ethos and logos.

  9. Charizma Hernandez 11 months ago

    Quick Write:
    I need to make sure that the whole essay is balanced. I believe there is more salsa than chips.

  10. David Van Osdel 11 months ago

    Who is your audience; People who want to leave earth because they think it’s too far gone to save
    What do they value; the continuation of our existence.
    Are your reasons in line with those values; I believe so, I am stating ways in which we can impact our own communities. When every community achieves this changes can be made.

    The changes I will make are make the counter argument better I didn’t add much to it in my paper. I will also add more pathos.

  11. Shalveen Singh 11 months ago

    Who is your audience?
    -My audience are parents and families.
    -The people who have kids.
    What do they value?
    – They value their children and how drug abuse may affect adolescence and what they can do to stop substance abuse
    Are your reasons in line with those values?
    – Yes, the reason is because substance abuse can affect children and parents or families will want to contribute and see what they problem is and what they may be able to do to help educate their children that marijuana abuse may have increased between children because it is legal now.

    What changes are you going to make to revise your solution?
    – I need to add more pathos to my story and include why and how it made me feel. I also need to add more logos within my essay and try to include the citations and make It flow more in the essay.

  12. Vanessa Lisner 11 months ago

    When revising my essay I want to add in a lot more pathos. I feel like with drinking and driving there is a lot of emotion attached (considering how many deaths are a result of driving under the influence) and I think a mini story at the beginning of a tragic accident may draw readers in. I also want to add in more reliable sources because as of now I only have a couple of good sources. The last thing I want to do is add very symbolic pictures and pictures that will bring out emotion from readers and get people who read my paper to agree with me.

  13. Jennifer Escorsia 11 months ago

    The elderly people who are still driving and putting others in danger age 70 and up.
    They value their families, their security, of course their life, and law.
    I want to change one of my reasons also to make a better intro and conclusion and still better my body paragraphs

  14. Joseph Apodaca 11 months ago

    For my essay, a lot of revisions need to be made. The intro needs to be reworked, for possibly a different audience, that focuses more on pathos. The essay in total needs some more emphasis on logos as well. Better citations need to be implemented, and photos that work with the essay need to be paired to the blog post. The essay also needs to be given a better flow that will make the intention of the essay more clear.

  15. Edwin Gutierrez 11 months ago

    My audience are the people who are against Colin kneeling for the national anthem.
    My audience value respect for their country, and want people in the U.S. to show respect for the country.
    Yes, my reasons are in line with their values because these people who are against the protest think that it is disrespectful for their country, but I show them why it is not disrespectful, and as a citizen of the U.S. they have the right to choose whether or not they stand for the national anthem.
    The changes I am going to do to revise my essay are edit my intro, and change my solution. I am going to make my introduction more interesting, to catch my audience attention, probably add a rhetorical question, or a metaphor. The solution I am going to change it from stop racial discrimination, to stating why his protest is the best way to protest.

  16. My audience is high school and college students.
    They value passing the classes, getting the grades, and getting things done fast; less work.
    Yes, it does.

    Quick Write:
    I am going to fit my audiences’ values with my solution.

  17. Nicole Robles 11 months ago

    Who is your audience? My audience are people ages 17-24 who are distracted drivers.
    What do they value?
    Are your reasons in line with those values? No not all of my reasons are in line and I have to go back and fix my reasoning and the research for my solution.

    The changes that I am going to make to revise my solution is I am going to add more pathos to my introduction and conclusion. I am going to fix a few sentences and add more research to back up my solution. Also I am going to add more research to back up my reasoning for my solution.

  18. Alexander Cristobal 11 months ago

    Who is my audience? mental health issues(improvement/repair/balance)
    What do they value? other alternatives to help repair or improve mental health.
    Are your reasons in line with those values? Yes I talked about the benefits of micro dosing.
    QUICK WRITE
    What changes are you going to make to revise your solution?
    I will put more Pathos in my essay because I felt it was more facts and doctors research. It needs more emotion to grab the readings feelings and have them engaged. I will also add a story or an example to better my ethos and they will have a personal understanding of the situation.

  19. Austin Mudd 11 months ago

    Who is your audience?
    People who are looking to help the planet, one’s who understand what the problem is and is looking for what they can do to help.

    What do they value?

    Nature, scientific evidence, data, longevity

    Are your reasons in line with those values?

    Yes, the people who know climate change is a real issue understand the evidence behind it is legitimate.

    Quick write
    What changes are you going make to revise your solution?

    I plan on narrowing down my target audience. Stronger facts and data to back up my claims. More implementation of pathos.

  20. Merneeta Romero 11 months ago

    Who is my audience?
    My audience will be the teenagers that are the main cause of drunk driving and are also the main victims of this dangerous practice.
    What do they value?
    Teenagers value life in itself and becoming someone productive or successful. Most teens have a goal or a dream that they want to accomplish they also value their friends and family.
    Are your reasons in line with those values?
    My reasons are definitely in line with their values because it explains that if they practice drinking and driving they can lose everything and everyone they care about.

    What changes are you going to make to revise your solution?
    To revise my solution I will be reading over my entire draft and eliminate unnecessary information, work on my citing, and concentrate mainly on my solution while keeping my audience in mind.

  21. dezara burrell 11 months ago

    I am trying to convince the governor of the states that have high cost tuition for college.
    My audience value how they care about will they give them better jobs.
    My paper does explain how my topic meet my audience value because it gives reasons why the cost of tuition is so high and how it effects the graduate students will benefit from getting better jobs because there would be more highly educated people
    The changes I will make to my essay is add in the ethos part an image, work cited page

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